February 26, 2013


The other day I was having a conversation with my sister-in-law, I don't know how the topic came up, but I said the most heartless thing about miscarriages. I'm fortunate enough to not know that type of pain or hurt. It's something I don't understand and can't possibly imagine. Today as I was reading this post and this post from Casey Leigh, I felt a tug on my heart strings. Knowing the closeness and excitement I felt for my baby before I even knew her gender, I couldn't imagine losing her. Then or Now or Ever. It's something I always worried about and still do. Its something I hope I have the blessing to never, ever go through.

Its because of those posts that I realized I take what I have for granted. I have been blessed with an ideal (for me) pregnancy that lacked morning sickness, pre-eclampsia, diabetes, and heartburn (for the most part). I have been blessed with an ideal (for me) labor that was very quick, not as painful as I thought, all natural, and complication free. I have been blessed with a beautiful daughter who never ceases to amaze me with her curiosity, good manners, beauty, and happiness.

I have been guilty of getting frustrated, angry, and short-tempered with my baby. Those first few months were a hard adjustment for me. I have been guilty of letting her play by herself and ignoring her so I can do something I want to do. I'm not a perfect mother, but I love my baby unconditionally. I love that when she smiles her whole face lights up. I love the way she wiggles her whole body when she gets excited. I love that she follows the cats around the house. I love her giggles and squeals of happiness. I love when she climbs up my leg crying for me to hold her. I love the way she sleeps. I love every single thing about her; the amazing and the annoying. I never knew how much I could love somebody until she came along.

I've been blessed with an amazing life partner. I don't tell him enough, but he's truly amazing. From the moment I met him he has kept me safe, been well-mannered, and made me feel like the only person in the world who matters to him. He has worked his butt off serving our Country and providing for our family. I'm so incredibly proud of him for starting college. Life as new parents hasn't exactly been a breeze and has taken its toll on our relationship, but he's been so patient, understanding, helpful, and loving. He's still my rock and I love him more than I know how to express.

Photo by Stephanie Marie Photography

Even though I've questioned whether leaving the military was a good move, even though we don't have our own home, and even though we still haven't found a job, I know that God has big plans for us that are greater than we could imagine. Through all of this we're still able to provide the food and other thing that we need and pay our bills. The best part for me is that we all get to be together. No more deployments, ever. My husband will be here to watch our daughter grow up and be here for every birthday, anniversary, and holiday. That is truly a great blessing. No matter what we go through or how hard any day gets, I'm going to try to remember how blessed I am and that as long as I have faith, I will continue to be blessed.

Photo by Stephanie Marie Photography

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